I have a problem with “should.” Why do I tell myself I should be doing anything? It’s mostly internal, while likely stemmed from society and family expectations. But what good does it do?

It sets me up for failure. I am never enough. I should be exercising, eating right, spending more time with my family, keeping the house clean, working to move up in my career, practicing self care, and on and on and on. There is no way to win. There is always more I could be doing. But does that mean I should?

Especially when I'm grieving or going through a difficult time. The shoulds have just got to go. Maybe I'll catch up a few days or a few months down the road. Or maybe not. Either way, it's time to give my self a break now.

I think it’s time to shift the thinking. What could I do that would make me feel rested, taken care of, and capable? When the shoulds start to nag, it’s time to take a step back. To reflect. To journal. To reorganize my priorities and even my thoughts.

For example, I get excited to eat right. I shop for healthy foods, cook actual meals, and feel great when I’m on this roll. And then after a week or so it becomes a “should” instead of fun and energizing. So I buy healthy foods still, but I take a break from cooking because it’s not fun any more. I start to get the nagging voice that I should be cooking healthy meals. Ugh. So I take a couple days off and then step back. I’m sick of eating beans and quinoa and celery. Should I eat out? Wait! I remember a fun recipe for soup! Let’s do it! And I feel motivated again, my thoughts are more positive again, and so I dive back in to cook well for a few days. Taking these breaks from the shoulds helps me prioritize and keep things in perspective. If I tried to keep up with the shoulds every day, I’d get weighed down and likely do none of them! And for sure I have had weekends like that. I just kind of quit when I get overwhelmed: eat cereal and popcorn, walk the dog not one second longer than it takes him to go, laze on the couch. So it’s my goal to not get to this point, but you know what? It’s ok if I do now and then. I can gain some much-needed rest and a break from it all, and a chance to gather myself and shift my thinking again (as noted above).

What about the shoulds that I really shouldn’t skip, like doing the crappy parts of my job, grocery shopping for my kid's meals, and walking the dog when it’s freezing? Ok, so there are some shoulds that I just can’t get around. Maybe they’re have-tos, because I can’t not do my job or feed my child or let my dog crap in the house. So I take these things in stride. I try to do it all sooner rather than later because procrastinating only extends the dread. So yeah, I’m categorizing these as have-tos. They’re not shoulds.

Back to shoulds: how do I get out of the should funk? I think it’s important to ask myself a couple of questions: 

Sounds easy, right? Let’s not make it more difficult or trying than it has to be. Answer the questions, and then either do it or move on! And when it’s time to let it go, really do. No more shoulds. Let me know how it goes!